Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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