my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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