remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
