when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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