Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
