she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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