Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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