my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
