my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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