things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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