Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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