Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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