There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize