Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
