oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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