Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
True strength comes from lack of pants
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