I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize