Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize