I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's blow job season.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
