They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
