College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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