Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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