i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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