dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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