True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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