A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
