She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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