I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
