is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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