i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
