Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
