its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
