pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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