Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
