I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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