i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
