i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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