once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
