I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
