We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
