they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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