the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
