whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
