i need an iv and a liver transplant
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize