My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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