I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
