Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
