I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize