I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
