i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
