Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
