Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So much rum. So many feels.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
