They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's the barista slut.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
