I must be too annoying 4 u.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize