New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
