I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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