Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
