Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
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