the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Rumble strips road head = magical
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Floor bacon is actually really good
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
