dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
