Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
