There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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