I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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