My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So much Jack, so little girl.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
