So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
