why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
