Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
