This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
