i think my mom watched the whole time
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it glows. i had to have it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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