Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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