Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize