I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
