Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
