Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
