even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
