apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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