i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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