why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
