there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
