Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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