I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
