absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
