I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
