accomplished twins. life is a go
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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