I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
