well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
