she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize