hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Drake has all the answers
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
