i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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