the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
