You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
