There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
