You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
