She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
