So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize