Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
