anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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